I don’t know what I feel now

Yeah fuck you. Don’t want her when you’re sober but then you need a piece of ass when you’re drunk? Hope class with her is fun as hell, I hope you realize she’s in love with her ex who could kick your ass. Yeahhhhhh I’m done. If if would have been anyone else but her, it’d be fine. Maybe you shouldn’t have lost your standards. WHO ARE YOU ANYMORE. You’re just a number to her, probably the fifteenth she’s given a disease to. Learn to control yourself. Wow this make no sense. Whatever YOLO bullshit I’m done ranting.

Hope you like the taste of whore in your mouth. Congrats!!!!

You know time really is a funny thing. Each day, its seems like there’s  an infinite number of seconds. But, then in the blink of an eye, those seconds turn to minutes, those minutes into hours. And then, its nine thirty at night and you have NO IDEA how you just spent your day. That’s what has been happening to me lately. Suddenly, I feel like there isn’t enough time in the day. Not enough time to sit down and relax, not enough time to just talk on the phone without worrying, not enough time for anything really. And I  started to wonder, where the hell is my time going each day?

As I thought about that, I realized that I should be wondering where the months went, not the seconds. It hit me that it’s about to my spring break of my senior year.. My last year of high school. How did I spend it? More often than not, miserable.

I miss a lot of the people I used to be friends with. A lot of the people who used to make me smile, used to make me laugh, a lot people I used to love. Where did they all go? Still here in our little town, but seems like we’re states away.

I’m not sure what’s keeping me. Is it my pride? Is it my anger? Am I holding a grudge? I wish I knew, but I can’t even begin to fathom the answers to those questions. How do I even begin to tell the people I miss that I miss them..

When I look at you, I’m pissed. I want to hit you in your face for being a cocky, arrogant asshole. Who were you to say those things and think it was okay? Who were you to think that I wouldn’t hear, and when I did hear, you’d just apologize? But you’ve said sorry so many times and done the same shit, it’s impossible to believe you. I miss you, but it gets to a point where it’s too much. I cant be the only one trying, I need my self respect.

Then, I look at you. You bother me to new ends. You’re so involved with your “amazing” boyfriend. You lost sight of who you are. You don’t talk to me, you don’t answer me when I speak. It’s plain annoying. I don’t have to apologize to you, but I’d like to know what went wrong. I wish I could just call you up, but then again, I don’t know how you’d feel. 

Hahaha, then there’s you. You. You, the kid who has my heart, the kid who goddamn I dont know even know where the hell to begin. Just typing this makes me cry. I wouldn’t know where to start with you, but sooner or later, we’re going to talk. I need to plan out what to say to you, but thats too much for now. What I do know is that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what I said. I wish I didn’t say things in anger, but I can’t take it back. 

I know I should make amends, but it’s so difficult. Maybe Ill give one of you a call sometime..

Like I said, time is a funny thing.  

If anyone’s available for me to just vent like a mother fucker, please let me know

Haven’t been on in mad long, hellllooo

It fucking sucks to think that this year wasn’t supposed to be like this